Choose Your Own Adventure

 

Staring at me through the mirror is Rita. I have not seen her since I was in 11^th grade. We messaged back and forth once when I was in my late 30s and that was that.

She was the only girl I liked in high school. For real liked, that is. I was a teenager after all, so liking and really liking mean different things.

Anyway, I see bad intent in the eyes right now. Eyes I haven’t seen in over 35 years. Eyes I used to be so scared to look into because I was too damn weak to admit what I was thinking.

I flash back to walking home with her after soccer practice one day in school. How excited I was that I was actually doing it, having a real conversation, all that stuff that comes with high school crushes, loves, etc. At least, what all the books and songs and poems told me.

For some reason, that was the only time we walked home together. And oddly, I never really questioned it until just right now as she is staring at me in the mirror of my hometown’s oldest bar.

She walks over. I turn around.

“Hello, Rita,” I say, trying to be the first to speak.

“Hi, Randy,” she says, very matter-of-factly. “You listening to Cinderella?”

“Funny you should say that,” I reply, pointing to my now swollen shut eye that I’m sure is bruised as well.

She looks me up and down. Sighs and sits down.

“So, how have you been?” she replies.

“Been better, but been much worse, to be honest.”

“I’ll bet,” she slyly says. I look a litter closer and see the age of all these years. But I also still see that 17 year old that I used to have feelings for, when I didn’t know what that meant.

Over the next few hours, we talk about how life has shit on us, pooped us out, and propped us up in decent places. I tell her I’ve never been married, close once, engaged once, but never married. Her story varied from mine, with marriages and all that.

I decide I need to take my John Cusack moment, and simply ask… “What do you think would have happened if I asked you out in high school?”

She looks at me, I think sadly.

“I don’t know, Randy,” I asked myself that question in high school. But hadn’t thought about it since, really.

“Really?” I say, my narcissistic heart breaking. “I thought about that question for years after you moved away. Definitely thought about it a lot my senior year when you were gone.”

In those before the internet days, I had no idea where she moved to. I heard rumors of the place, of the why, but, I never knew. I probably could have asked someone, I’m sure someone really knew. But, my nerd self didn’t want anyone to know how much it bothered me… So, I never did.

“Really?” she says. This time, more curious than stand-offish. I see this moment as a turning point for me. I can either keep being curious, and let my mind wander, or I can back off.

At that moment, I think about the old “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, and wish that live could be like that. Make a choice, and if it sucks, turn back to page 34 and go to another choice.

“Life ain’t like a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ book, is it?” I ask Johnny. He shakes his head in dismay, as I think even he remembers me as that lovestruck 15, 16, and 17 year old who never had a clue.

“What does that mean?” Rita asks, looking at me with even more curiosity.

“Oh, nothing,” I reply. “You remember those, don’t you?”

“Of course,” she says with a bright smile. Her greenish hair catches in the light. It kind of makes me feel weird. Her skin is pale, with some freckles. Other than gaining a few pounds and not having that 80s curly mullet, she looks the same. Me on the other hand, I’m bald and fat. Although I’ve lost 20 pounds in the last few months.

“Well, I like to sometimes look at my life and wish it could all be that simple,” I start talking again. Someone else from my past walks into the bar just as I’m getting comfortable. She walks up to the jukebox, puts in a dollar and clicks a few times.

The opening drums and chords of “Shake Me” by Cinderella start playing. I wince. The girl who just walked in, she points at me slyly and laughs a little. Of all the places she’d be and I’d be, tonight, we’re both inextricably here.

I tip my now empty bottle of Red Stripe her way. She mouths “Boo Hair Metal, Hoo-ray Beer.”

I look at Rita. She looks bored. Not mad. I wonder again. And I don’t say anything.

Short, with long hair

 

“Do, do, do. You feel, like I do?” is wafting through the air in the Anchor Room on a Thursday afternoon. It’s 4:37 according to the clock on the wall behind Beatrix, the waitress on duty.

The workers at the plant haven’t gotten off yet, which means it’s just me and her and Johnny, the 71-year-old former teacher who taught me U.S. Government so, so many years ago in this small industrial town tucked away in southern Virginia.

Not sure why I’m here. My parents both died years go now. Which was the main reason I ever came back after leaving for good at the age of 24. I still remember that day. I got into my black Firebird and pointed it towards Arizona.

Made it eventually. After spending a week in South Carolina after the car broke down. Watching Pulp Fiction a bunch of times. In New Orleans, got robbed of half of my worldly possessions while hanging out with the first girl to steal a piece of my heart – symbolism was always hitting me over the head hard in the early 90s. Getting me first speeding ticket outside of Houston. Seeing the Texas Hill Country alone for the first time. And finally, arriving in Phoenix to stay with my great aunt and her mean-ass poodle. Bitchy little thing that just growled at me.

I look around the bar. The décor is gone from my youth. It was a karaoke bar for a bit before the whiny owners sold it to some folks from India. Wish they’d at least put the old booths back in. That would be cool.

I saw a pub in Ireland for sale today on the phone. Little less than 400K euros. Comes with an attached house. That would’ve been the dream at 38 when I was L-I-V-I-N at the beach alone, drinking my life away and ignoring signs. I tend to do that, and I end up either breaking a heart or getting mine stabbed with a rusty screwdriver.

It doesn’t hurt that much anymore. I just think about it too much.

I take a swig of my Mille High Life. Only beer I enjoy anymore. It’s not attached to anything good or bad, so it’s safe.

The bell over the door dings. I think quickly that it’s pretty annoying to have that in a bar. But, maybe this place ain’t really a bar anymore.

It’s 4:51 p.m. The shift will be ending soon. Sending folks my way.

I look at the mirror behind the bar and I see her. She’s short. She’s got long hair. She’s wearing a Kix t-shirt. And I ain’t talking about the old video game.

She ambles over to the jukebox. It’s a vinyl one, thank goodness, and not an internet one. She puts a dollar in the slot. Clicks a couple of buttons and walks over to the bar. She looks at the seat next to me. I look at her.

Cinderella’s “Don’t Know What You Got, Till It’s Gone” starts playing. I don’t know exactly what to think about that.

“You mind if I sit here,” the short, long-haired lady finally says.

“There?” I say, pointing at the seat next to me.

She just looks at me. She’s got far-away eyes. I start wishing the Rolling Stones were on the jukebox instead of Tom Keifer.

I don’t get a verbal answer. I get a physical one. From the other side.

“That’s my lady,” a voice says.

I hadn’t noticed that the short, long-haired lady from my hometown came in with someone else.

I also don’t see the fist, making contact with my face.

I wake up 14 minutes later. I know this because Johnny, my old government teacher tells me this as he orders me a beer.

“Two Red Stripes!” he says.

I wince. Not at the beer, but at my eye. It’s swollen shut.

“14 minutes you were out, Randy,” Johnny says. “I thought we were gonna have ta call the cops.”

“Glad you didn’t,” I manage to say. I take a sip of beer. It feels good going down my throat.

“Where did she go,” I ask.

“She’s left,” Johnny said. “But she handed me this before she headed out.”

Johnny handed me a crumpled up piece of paper. On it was this “Sorry about David. He’s a dick. But, he’s rich. Here’s my number. Call me if you want. 804-458-5435.”

I stare at the number. It’s my parents’ old number. It had been our number my entire life. Until my sister turned it off a year after my mom died. A year after we all watched my mom die. In our childhood home. In our hometown.

“You gonna call?” Johnny asks.

“Hell no,” I say. “Sometimes signs are so big you just can’t miss ‘em.”

I go to the jukebox. Put in a dollar. Push some buttons. I walk to the bar, sit in the seat the short, long-haired girl asked about. I feel sometime poke me right in the ass. It’s a nail from the chair.

AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell” starts playing. I take another swig of Red Stripe. Tip my bottle to Johnny.

The door bell dings again. I feel a cold feeling and get goosebumps.

I look at the mirror. And I don’t like what I see…