peace

I’m going to try and write something before embarking on this journey. I’ve grabbed a notepad and it will serve as the official document of it, but, as I’m wont to do, I will type here as well.

The reason for the new notepad is to record a journey. One that begins today, and ends, well, never. I have made it my point of existing for the next while to take a trip every day. And observe. Now, most days will revolve around me going to work. But, to make it possible, I have to stop somewhere new every day. And that will be the “journey” for that day.

Boring? Probably. But something has to happen to knock me out of this rut that I’m stuck in and don’t want to be stuck in anymore. It’s been probably the longest rut of my life. At least when girls dumped me and left me suicidal, I drank copious amounts of alcohol and took stupid road trips to nowhere.

As of right now, the stupid road trips can’t happen because I can’t spring for the gas. I really need a roommate or something. This 700 a month rent payment is bogging me down. A lot more than it should, but my debts are an anchor of stupidity. It’s a reminding of some good times, and bad decisions. Definitely two things that I have a lot of experience with.

My first act in this crazy drama of nothingness will be to have my buddy John shave my head. If you know me, which most of you who stumble here don’t, I have never not had hair on my head. Well, maybe as a baby, but I doubt it then too. I cut my head open back in 1994 or so, and they gave me the option of stitches and a shaved head or staples and keeping my flowing locks and I chose the staples. I guess I may finally see what that left my head with. A nice scar or a sickeningly awful one. Or, of course, nothing much at all, which will be a disappointment. As one of my stories will have a boring ending. Ha. One of them.

Right now my hair looks awful. I kind of call it my Phillip Seymour Hoffman. But he really wasn’t or isn’t balding. But his hair always looked horrible. Except in Capote. But of course…

Anyway. I have hair that is passable when there is no wind. But when it kicks up, and believe me it does here at the beach, it looks like a toupee flapping in the breeze. And, I’m done with it. Hell, not having to buy shampoo will be one less thing to worry about. I do know I’ll probably be wearing my knit beanies a lot more. Knit beanies? Really. That’s the official name for those things? I liked ski hats better.

I’m also ready to start seriously considering the move. Which I guess could be the final chapter of this notepad-based tome? Stranger things have happened. I wonder what will happen along the way? Probably not much of anything. That’s been my theme the past two years, for the most part, minus that whole falling in love with someone I shouldn’t have thing.

Heck, I might read the bible on top of a rock overlooking Hopewell. Ok. That’s not going to happen. But the absurdity of it is pretty tempting.

I think I realized too late in my life that I need change a lot. It’s probably not too late to become a roadie or a truck driver, so I’m leaving things open. I know I don’t want to be staring at the cubicle walls of the Daily News when Fall rolls around in 2011. Much like that e-mail that I sent to myself almost five years ago as part of one of those sites where they send it to you five years later, I don’t want to be disappointed in myself. That e-mail, if it ever comes, will start a night of drinking. I do know that. But, in all honesty, what it says won’t be that hard to deal with anymore. I hate what happened. But I’ve come to grips with it. I accepted it for what it is, and that I can’t do a damn thing about it. No matter how hard I may want to, or even try to.

It’s now time to go get in my car. Find something, anything, better than this.

Peace.