Falling into the trap again. It’s all I can think of while I’m sitting on the couch. I’m tired as hell. I want to have a beer. I want to laugh more. I want to not be so god damn sleepy. But, it’s 1:30 in the morning and I have to be at work the next afternoon. That after a four-plus hour drive to the office from where I am right now.
But I don’t want to go. I wish that something would happen. Anything. But it isn’t.
I’ve been in this situation way too many times in my life. Sitting with a woman. Hanging out with a woman. Conversing with a woman. Over and over again. Meeting up for drinks. Going to interesting places and events. Yet, nothing happens.
It can’t always happen. It doesn’t always happen fast. But most of the times, nothing happens at all. You fall into that place. That zone of friendship. You know that neither of you really wants it to be so ordinary, but it happened. How to get out of that, is always the interesting question. It takes guts to pull out of that nosedive. It doesn’t to just allow it to stay the same.
Which is what usually happens. It just gets left to stay. Eventually, one or the other gets up the nerve to do something. Sometimes. Most of the time, however, it just dies off. Either by choice of one, of just by inertia.
As I’m slumped on the couch, petting her cat and watching re-runs of her favorite cartoon, the shear awfulness of it all sits there like an extra person in the room. Subtle hints become anvils to the head. At least you feel that way about them. Yet nothing changes.
A couple of drinks later, you realize how uncomfortable it is in her apartment. It’s hot. The heat has been blasting constantly since you got back from the bar. Five hours ago. Your eyes are dry. You head hurts from that “you starting drinking, but then you stopped” feeling. Ugh. The drive home in the morning is going to be painful. Especially since it ends, not at home, but at the office. Ready for another eight-hour day of cymbal monkey-ing.
But then I look over my shoulder and see her sitting there. She gives me a look, I try to figure out what it means.
“You spending the night?” she asks.
“Nah. I have to get up early to go to work. And if I stay here, I’ll be up half the night.”
“Ahh.”
Yes, that’s simply the way it is.
It’s been that way for a while now. The jump the shark moment, it either came a long time ago, and it wasn’t noticed, or we’re still in the pilot episode. We just don’t know if we’re going to be picked up yet or not.
Much like a Hank Williams song, you know what you’re getting when you start it. Sad songs and heartache.
Wow. This sucks.
#30#
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