Get Busy

“You sir are guilty!” a loud voice echoed from high above me. So high that I had no idea if it was really real.

I looked toward the sky. Or up. There wasn’t a sky to see above. Yet, I knew I wasn’t inside anywhere. I wasn’t outside either.

The air had a pleasant feel to it. Almost wet, but kind of dry. There was a smoke there. Not cigarette smoke, because it didn’t taste like that. Instead it had no taste. Yet, it clung to you like cigarette smoke.

“Odd,” I thought to myself.

I wandered about a bit. There was a giant wooden thing in front of me. I call it a thing only because I couldn’t figure out what it was. And I only know it was wooden because I rapped on it with my fist.

“Thunk, thunk, thunk,” I hit my fist against it. Hoping that maybe doing so would allow me to figure out what the only thing no smoke was.

Nothing.

I looked up. This wooden “thing” was huge. It was skyscraper-esque. Just towering over me. No end in sight.

“Get busy, man. Get busy,” a voice from behind me spoke.

I turned my entire body around hoping to catch whoever it was in whatever kind of strange face he or she may be making. No one was there.

“Get busy, man. Get busy,” the voice repeated. From exactly the same place. Down a bit. I knelt down to see what was making this statement.

What I saw was kind of a shock. I was me. Twenty years older. Staring back at the me that I had been.

“This is odd,” I said out loud.

“Not really,” the older me’s voice said. “I’ve seen it all before. Except then, I was you.”

“Well, what exactly are you doing down there on the ground?” I asked, kind of impatiently, but holding back just a bit so as not to be rude.

“Yes, I remember now. I’m confused. Well, you’re confused about what the heck is going on,” the older me said.

“Well, no shit,” was all I could muster.

“Just be patient,” he, I, whatever, said. “It’ll all make sense in a few minutes.”

That jolted me a bit. I didn’t even know what time it was. Heck, I don’t have a watch. I’m certain I have no cell phone wherever I am. Quick check of the pockets reveals this to be true as all I have is -- a Mardi Gras doubloon, an empty Velcro wallet, a condom and a wad of 37 $2 bills.

“Funny thing about it me,” the older me’s voice said. “You’re going to need all of those things.”

“Is this some kind of dream?” I asked the older me. “I mean, this is straight out of Alice and Wonderland or something.”

“How the hell would you know that?” the voice retorted. “The only thing you know about Alice in Wonderland came from a Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers video.”

Well, that’s the truth, I thought to myself. That and some Disney references.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Disney-smisney,” he yelled out.

I’m having a conversation with myself. Only he knows what I’m thinking because he already thought it out. Then said it all. Is there anyway out of this? I guess not. Because even if I change what he originally went through with me, it will instantly become what we went through.

“My head hurts,” the voice said in whiny 6 year old kid voice.

“What?” I replied.

“My head hurts.”

“Well, my mind hurts,” I snapped.

“Eh. Kid, you don’t know the half of it. Try living the next 20 years. Then get back to me.”

I felt like stomping on the head. Crushing it. But then, would I be crushing my own head? Christ. This is ridiculous.

Finally, something else happened. The wooden thing disappeared. Just vanished into thin air. One second it was there, casting quite an imposing shadow, the next it was gone. Kind of like youth. One day, you’re basking in it, next thing you know you’re old.

“That’s the kind of thinking that got you here in the first place,” the old me said.

For the first time I noticed the old me looked younger than the me me.

“Yep, kid, it’s true,” he said. “You’re only as old as you think you are.”

I looked back to where the wooden thing was. There was now a house. It was a house I knew very well. Hadn’t been there in a long time, but my memories kept it in my head. All the time.

“Set it on fire, kid,” the voice said.

“Why?”

“Because you need to. That’s why.”

“Did you?”

“That, my self, would be cheating.”

Klaus Meine

The light struck my face. “Ugh,” was about all I could muster in thought or word.

Something felt odd. This hotel room is not a good place to be. Red Roof Inn just outside of Raleigh, North Carolina. Two beds. One not slept in. One disheveled.

I looked around the room. 10:45 a.m. Damn. Going to have to get up soon to leave.

I’m still drunk.

Then I see the smashed up Cds on the floor. A quick flashback to the night before. Me coming back from the concert. No. I don’t remember that. All I remember was throwing those Cds very hard on the ground. I look at them now. One is completely shattered.

I don’t remember why I did it.

The Lucero show was great. In fact, all of the bands were awesome. And I didn’t even feel weird being alone at the venue for over two hours. Looking at the bands. Tapping my feet. Swaying a little every so often. Even checking out the women. It was a good time. The Big Boss beers going down nice and easy. They’d better at 5 bucks a pop.

The redhead and her buddy arrived late. She’s so damn beautiful. So damn everything that I’d ever want in a lady. Good taste in music and whiskey. And she laughs at my jokes. She thinks I’m odd and doesn’t care.

Yet, she doesn’t like me the way I’d want. And, usually I’m cool with that. I can chase. Hell, Joey said everyone needs something to chase, so, I keep chasing. Like a dog trying to get its tail. Like a guy trying to blow himself. Some things just aren’t meant to happen.

The drinks keep flowing. Even some Jameseon is swilled. When Lucero goes on, we’re close to the stage. It’s great.

I sing like a crazed beauty pageant momma -- awfully and unselfconsciously. I’m having the time of my life. Every time I go to a show with her, I see her looking at me while the songs are going. It’s the only time her eyes give me the time of day. It’s in those moments that I want to believe that she digs me the way I dig her.

But then the music dies and so do the looks. She goes and chats it up with one of the band. I actually talk this time. I remember saying something about Social Distortion. I also remember it not coming out the way it was in my mind. All of this should have clued me in to how fucking drunk I was.

I don’t remember much else.

A bad joke about riding in the back of the dude’s truck. Getting the Cds.

That’s it.

A good hour of my life, gone. Never to be remembered.

I don’t like blacking out. It makes me think of my dad. The awful person he sometimes becomes when he drinks too much. And then in the morning, everything is supposed to be normal again.

That’s the person I become in those instances.

Usually, I’m a happy drunk. Not caring about anything.
But she brings this side of me out more than anyone else ever has.

And I do mean ever.

I’ve had girlfriends that I’ve been that drunk with. They didn’t bring this out.

Only her.

It’s got to be a sign.

That I have to get away.

Maybe my words last night did that for me. I don’t know.

I just have a broken cell phone to show for it.

And another friend telling me I called her at 2:30 in the morning. God only knows. I called her up the last time this redhead got me drinking and out of my mind.

What is it about this girl that does this to me?

I’m scared to ask her if I said something stupid. Maybe I made some kind of advance on her. Ha. Advance. What is this, “Leave it to Beaver”?

I was probably more pissed off about the hotel room. That I paid for. Like the tickets. And didn’t get paid back. Did I ask for the money? Who knows, but probably not.

And because I’m so destitute at the moment, I used it to build up some rage.

Fuck. I don’t want to be like my dad. At least in this respect.

What is it about this girl…? And why do I keep coming back for more…?

Driving home from work tonight, I put on the Scorpions. Why can’t my world be more like Klaus Meine’s? His song writing tells how he sees it. Everything is in absolutes. There’s no guessing. There’s no hemming and hawing. I’m Still Loving You. I’m going to Rock You Like a Hurricane. I Really had a Blackout!