Klaus Meine

The light struck my face. “Ugh,” was about all I could muster in thought or word.

Something felt odd. This hotel room is not a good place to be. Red Roof Inn just outside of Raleigh, North Carolina. Two beds. One not slept in. One disheveled.

I looked around the room. 10:45 a.m. Damn. Going to have to get up soon to leave.

I’m still drunk.

Then I see the smashed up Cds on the floor. A quick flashback to the night before. Me coming back from the concert. No. I don’t remember that. All I remember was throwing those Cds very hard on the ground. I look at them now. One is completely shattered.

I don’t remember why I did it.

The Lucero show was great. In fact, all of the bands were awesome. And I didn’t even feel weird being alone at the venue for over two hours. Looking at the bands. Tapping my feet. Swaying a little every so often. Even checking out the women. It was a good time. The Big Boss beers going down nice and easy. They’d better at 5 bucks a pop.

The redhead and her buddy arrived late. She’s so damn beautiful. So damn everything that I’d ever want in a lady. Good taste in music and whiskey. And she laughs at my jokes. She thinks I’m odd and doesn’t care.

Yet, she doesn’t like me the way I’d want. And, usually I’m cool with that. I can chase. Hell, Joey said everyone needs something to chase, so, I keep chasing. Like a dog trying to get its tail. Like a guy trying to blow himself. Some things just aren’t meant to happen.

The drinks keep flowing. Even some Jameseon is swilled. When Lucero goes on, we’re close to the stage. It’s great.

I sing like a crazed beauty pageant momma -- awfully and unselfconsciously. I’m having the time of my life. Every time I go to a show with her, I see her looking at me while the songs are going. It’s the only time her eyes give me the time of day. It’s in those moments that I want to believe that she digs me the way I dig her.

But then the music dies and so do the looks. She goes and chats it up with one of the band. I actually talk this time. I remember saying something about Social Distortion. I also remember it not coming out the way it was in my mind. All of this should have clued me in to how fucking drunk I was.

I don’t remember much else.

A bad joke about riding in the back of the dude’s truck. Getting the Cds.

That’s it.

A good hour of my life, gone. Never to be remembered.

I don’t like blacking out. It makes me think of my dad. The awful person he sometimes becomes when he drinks too much. And then in the morning, everything is supposed to be normal again.

That’s the person I become in those instances.

Usually, I’m a happy drunk. Not caring about anything.
But she brings this side of me out more than anyone else ever has.

And I do mean ever.

I’ve had girlfriends that I’ve been that drunk with. They didn’t bring this out.

Only her.

It’s got to be a sign.

That I have to get away.

Maybe my words last night did that for me. I don’t know.

I just have a broken cell phone to show for it.

And another friend telling me I called her at 2:30 in the morning. God only knows. I called her up the last time this redhead got me drinking and out of my mind.

What is it about this girl that does this to me?

I’m scared to ask her if I said something stupid. Maybe I made some kind of advance on her. Ha. Advance. What is this, “Leave it to Beaver”?

I was probably more pissed off about the hotel room. That I paid for. Like the tickets. And didn’t get paid back. Did I ask for the money? Who knows, but probably not.

And because I’m so destitute at the moment, I used it to build up some rage.

Fuck. I don’t want to be like my dad. At least in this respect.

What is it about this girl…? And why do I keep coming back for more…?

Driving home from work tonight, I put on the Scorpions. Why can’t my world be more like Klaus Meine’s? His song writing tells how he sees it. Everything is in absolutes. There’s no guessing. There’s no hemming and hawing. I’m Still Loving You. I’m going to Rock You Like a Hurricane. I Really had a Blackout!